Overheard (overly dramatic edition)

V/M: So what are your plans for the day?

A: Oh you know. Eat breakfast. Try to remember which day of the week it is. Get depressed because I keep forgetting. Sink deeper into depression over the sad state of my life. Eat some more. Take a walk. Lay around hot, sweaty, still depressed, wondering why it doesn't seem like I'm losing weight despite working out so much. Eat. Forget again which day of the week it is. Make dinner. Eat. Snack. Watch Larry King Live. Cry myself to sleep.

V/M: Oh okay. The usual then. Don't forget to wear black.

Overheard

Oh, hey, I gotta let you go. Bush is coming on the tv, it's a special report, I don't want to miss it if shoes start flying.

--My Dad

Overheard

Jon has a bit of an obsession with Cool Ranch Doritos. And by 'bit' I mean if given the chance he would consume a bag of them per day, maybe more. Earlier I told him he needed to 'back away from the chip bag', he agreed. So he went into the kitchen where I promptly heard doors opening and closing. Strange doors. So I asked.

A: You didn't put those into the dryer, did you?

J: No. Why would I do that?

A: Well...

J: *long pause* I put 'em in the washer.

Yes, because that was a much better option apparently.

Overheard

April: So who do you want to win the election Mamaw, now that Hillary is out?

Mamaw: We need that black man, that Obama. He's going to change the country.

April: You think so? What about McCain?

Mamaw: Just another Bush. I hate George Bush. War, war, war, that's all they care about.

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So there you have it, the election from the eyes of my almost 81 year old grandmother. She also said some things involving violence and a certain President that I'm frankly, not going to print. But umm, it wouldn't surprise me if her house is wiretapped is all I'm saying.

Overheard: Just Now

My Father: "Pee pee on the paper Jill. Come on, over here...on the paper. No Jill...NO...that's not the paper that's a towel."

*folding his arms and scowling*

"You peed on a towel Jill. God...are you proud of yourself?"

Overheard

Jon: April, you'd make Satan cry. He'd run back to heaven demanding God for forgiveness if you showed up.

Overheard

Jon on his new iPod:

"Hey, now we can go walking and not talk to one another."

Overheard

Jon explaining his happiness: That's why I'm in a cheerful mood.

Me: Wait...why?

Jon: Because I feel loveable.

I put my arm around his shoulder and laugh.

Jon: Right now? Not so loveable.

Overheard

Jon having a conversation with my mom:

Jon: Everybody hates Larry the Cable Guy, except for the lower intellectual mind.

Mom: (Laughing) Where do you come up with this stuff?

Jon: Frasier.