Thought Bubbles

Lately I've felt a little awkward about blogging. Even though I've had things to say.

I type them up and then let them languish in my draft box. Or I post them, only to pull them off the site a little while later.

I don't know why.

Paragraphs just aren't appealing to me right now.

Yesterday I went to Home Depot and bought a garden pond kit. A 60 gallon kit with a pump and filter. It retailed for $89 at one time. I paid $28 for it. Really, how could I pass it up? Where to put it is the next question. We're leaning towards expanding the bird retreat with it.

The weather is fantastic. Perfect for my mental state! There are not enough words to express how much I love spring and summer.

Tomorrow I have classes again. And an advising conference. A paper due. I'm not looking forward to any of it. I said I was going to read regular books and do all of these glorious things on spring break. I did none of it. Just sat around in my pajamas all day long. Not a bad set up in the grand scheme of things I suppose.

The death of Natasha Richardson is still bothering me. I just can't seem to grasp how her family is dealing with it right now. One minute she's fine and the next minute she's brain dead?! Can you imagine? But who hasn't fallen, hit their head, and thought they were perfectly fine? Crazy stuff.

My best couponing deals this weekend were free quaker rice cakes and 99 cent boxes of really good granola bars.

I still haven't decided what to do about my camera situation. But trust me, the fact that I had one and then sent it back is as odd to me as it must sound to you all. I know it's weird.

Good news: my car got a new battery last week! Bad news: it of course still has a MAJOR under the hood/engine problem. Still not sure how that's going to work out. Don't really care anymore to be honest.

And finally: what is the purpose of a 5 year reunion? Especially in the age of Facebook? Chances are I already know what you're doing with your life, whether you're still in school, where you work, if you're married, what your children look like if you have any. So what? But maybe I'm just cynical.

Random Musings

I went in Babies R Us for the first time in years last night. And I instantly realized why I will not be having children for several years now...I've got terribly expensive taste. I mean I've known this about myself for sometime now (for all of my saving money pep talks), but it was bad. I love the $500 Maclaren and Peg Perego strollers. The $60 hotslings. The Dr. Brown bottles. The Britax carseats. The $450 cribs. The boppy pillows and the bumbo chairs. I loved it all.

It was bad.

The friend I'm buying this stuff for has known me for years. She's very relaxed, doesn't need much of anything, doesn't get into trends and things. And she says I'm very high maintenance.

She might be right.

So let it be said, I can't afford to procreate. I'm not entirely sure I can afford to attend this baby shower to be honest.

So that's what I'm doing this weekend, a little more shopping, going to the shower. And hopefully taking a nap. I'm not a huge sleeper, but this was such a busy week in terms of classes that I feel like I deserve a few hours of rest.

Then maybe I'll make the cupcakes on the cover of this:



Which was waiting for me in the mailbox this morning. Mmm...I love the smell of FREE in the morning. Smells like money! ha

And I'll continue to upload pictures like this one:



I don't know where I found this goober at, but how do you like his BLUE STEEL? I think he's watched Zoolander a few too many times recently.

P.S. Chihuahua,



I want another one.

I'm like the Mama Duggar of the dog world.

Mom A or Mom B?

My neighbor's kids are outside playing in the pouring rain right now. Weather.com tells me it's 63 degrees outside, they have on shorts and t-shirts. The other day the temps were in the upper 50s and the boys were playing outside with no shirts on.

I'm kind of amazed by it, if you can't tell. This stuff would have NEVER happened in my house growing up. If you wanted to play in the rain in 60 degree weather you'd better have a jacket on, and rain boots, and an umbrella. Otherwise you'd end up sick. If Jon wanted to run around shirtless, it better be in the 80s...at least.

When the ice was still caked thickly to every tree branch around the boys next door were allowed to go explore the woods by our homes. Jon was told to stay out. Limbs were cracking and popping and audibly falling to the ground, so why take the risk of getting yourself knocked out? Am I right?

I guess what I'm getting at here is that I'm constantly in awe of how different the parenting styles are of people. I wonder what kind of parent I'll be when faced with the decision. Will I be the jacket and umbrella Mom? Or the who gives a crap, run around naked in the freezing cold if you want Mom?

Truthfully I think I have an inkling as to which will probably prevail. You see, my parents instilled this innate sense in me that A-behavior begets B-result. And I wouldn't want my babies to end up with hypothermia.

But in the meantime I'll just sit here, hoping that Mom B over there has those boys some hot chocolate ready. ;)

(Disclaimer: I'm not saying either way of parenting is right or wrong, just musing on my upbringing versus that other style.)

Imagine

A few days ago my longest running friend and I had a particular war of words that has, I'm afraid, torn apart our friendship into a thousand tiny pieces that can never be mended. Arguing would have been nothing new to us, she was always the friend I could have a good knock down with and yet somehow we would go on afterwards, just being us. But this was more than that.

This was realizing the person you thought you knew is no longer, in fact, that person. Because I live life striving for an element of tolerance and love in my world view, I find myself not wanting to associate with those who cannot at least respect those who are 'different'. And racism and bigotry are not words I want to be around.

So it's over. And it pains me to think. But I've been too hurt by the words and opinions to go back now.

A few days prior to the war of words I got a phone call about an interview for a Public Relations Internship I'd applied for. I was shocked, flabbergasted, amazed. A good general smattering of words but mostly thankful for the opportunity to even be interviewed. It had taken so long from the date I'd applied to the date I was called that frankly, I'd given up hope. And while I'm not counting on getting the internship, from what I've heard of the interview process (2-3 hours of stuff including writing prompts, grammar tests, etc.) it should be a good learning experience at the very least.

I finally feel like I might be on the path to finding direction in my life. Something that has been bothering me for so long.

But at the same time I'm mourning the loss of a friendship over something so surprising and uncomfortable. Racism, injustice and bigotry exist in this world, I'm not naive enough to think otherwise. But I suppose it hurts a bit more when you find out it's lurking right under your own nose.

In the iconic words of John Lennon:

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

I still have hope.