Imagine

A few days ago my longest running friend and I had a particular war of words that has, I'm afraid, torn apart our friendship into a thousand tiny pieces that can never be mended. Arguing would have been nothing new to us, she was always the friend I could have a good knock down with and yet somehow we would go on afterwards, just being us. But this was more than that.

This was realizing the person you thought you knew is no longer, in fact, that person. Because I live life striving for an element of tolerance and love in my world view, I find myself not wanting to associate with those who cannot at least respect those who are 'different'. And racism and bigotry are not words I want to be around.

So it's over. And it pains me to think. But I've been too hurt by the words and opinions to go back now.

A few days prior to the war of words I got a phone call about an interview for a Public Relations Internship I'd applied for. I was shocked, flabbergasted, amazed. A good general smattering of words but mostly thankful for the opportunity to even be interviewed. It had taken so long from the date I'd applied to the date I was called that frankly, I'd given up hope. And while I'm not counting on getting the internship, from what I've heard of the interview process (2-3 hours of stuff including writing prompts, grammar tests, etc.) it should be a good learning experience at the very least.

I finally feel like I might be on the path to finding direction in my life. Something that has been bothering me for so long.

But at the same time I'm mourning the loss of a friendship over something so surprising and uncomfortable. Racism, injustice and bigotry exist in this world, I'm not naive enough to think otherwise. But I suppose it hurts a bit more when you find out it's lurking right under your own nose.

In the iconic words of John Lennon:

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

I still have hope.

Warm Fuzzies

My Mom and I have a lot in common. She can sew and I once pressed the foot pedal on a sewing machine.

Over the past few weeks my mother has moved back into the sewing realm. I'm guessing this sweltering heat has something to do with it.

I of course have a long history of trying and failing at every crafty thing I try. I always start with the best of intentions, desperate to find my 'thing'. And in the end I abandon most of it, never to look back again.

Oddly enough I'd never thought of sewing.

But you know...when in Rome.

This weekend I assisted in the making of this:



And by assisted I mean I cut the pattern out (much harder than it sounds actually, for someone who failed cutting and pasting in kindergarten anyway) and picked out which fabric to use. Oh and I took pictures of the real work:



What?!

Pictures, it's what I do.

But even if I didn't do a ton of actual work last night it was a bit like attending a lecture, I certainly learned a thing or two. I've always been a bit 'visual' anyway.

I might not ever get good at this. It could go the way of all of the other crafty things. But as for now I'm interested enough to try. Because above all else there is something deeply satisfying about a stack of beautiful fabric.



Something that is delighting my senses and awakening my creative side.



Makes me feel all 'sustainable' and 'green' inside. It's a fuzzy feeling.

Nothing Prolific

The internet is overwhelming me.

First you had to have a Myspace, then Facebook was the new thing. After which I began a Xanga, only to abandon that for Blogger.

Now there is Twitter and everyone is starting a Tumblr (which is cool and all, but comments...I'm confused by this looking and reading and then not being able to leave comment stuff).

Then of course we have to have a Flickr Account, a Livejournal account if you want to join communities there, Wordpress if you want to register for comments, YouTube wants you to sign up, Vimeo if you want something a little less searchable, CNN wants to you be an iReporter, The New York Times needs your info before you can read.

I'm tired.

Nevermind the 8 THOUSAND E-Mail accounts I can barely keep up with. 2 AOL identities, one for school, another with my ISP, GMail, Hotmail, Yahoo....

So then I'll record every book I've ever read with GoodReads, manage my iTunes account, sign up for an Imeem thing, I'll make a playlist with Project Playlist and if I wasn't done there I'll make a MuxTape.

I don't have anything prolific to say about all of this. I can't decide if it's all advancing us as a society, or rotting our brains out. I can't say I could actually go through with deleting my dozen accounts. I'm simply stating the facts.

The internet is a busy place.

I've Had a Breakthrough

I twittered that just a few minutes ago in reference to this picture. It set off a fury of emotion that I've been holding in all day. Emotion that started at CVS, continued at Walmart and Lowes and culminated in the parking lot of Sonic. I am so uptight, such a control freak, that I cannot stop telling people what to do or getting pissed off when they do things different than my vision.

Hi, I'm April, and I'm uptight.

So I'm letting go. Seriously. I believe this is the breakthough I've been working towards for months now. Tomorrow is hopefully a new day. One where I surrender control and stop giving a damn what everyone thinks.

Phew, I'm starting to feel better. I might even take a page from Dooce and only pack one pair of flip flops.

Okay, maybe not that extreme, but you get the point.