I used to be of the pursuasion that a woman could "have it all". Good career, family, money, everything. As I've gotten older and wiser in my days I've come to realize having it all is a bit of a joke. Because having it all means that some area of your life (whether you'd like it to or not) will have to suffer. Your career, your marriage, your time with your children.
I don't see how women do it these days. They give birth, stay home with the baby for its first 6 weeks, then they cart him or her off to daycare where they throw away half of their monthly income so that they can sit at work for 8 hours or more per day while some stranger (whom they often refer to as "teachers" to lessen the blow) raises their baby.
My emotions are all over the place FOR THEM.
This is not to say that it does not work for some people. Some women have to work. Some women PREFER to work. And that's okay. I'm not judging. But for me, it's difficult to wrap my brain around how that would work. I would be a mess.
My favorite part of the post I had you read was that last paragraph:
This is all to say that I think 3rd-wave feminism should emphasize finding your
passion in life (be it your career, your family, your hobbies) and to structure
a life that supports your happiness. That means making compromises, and
compromises are key to happiness in any situation. If your happiness now
is your kids, don’t feel guilty for changing the path of your career. I do
feel angry that women were told to charge forward without thinking of the
consequences of incurring hundreds of thousands of $ in debt, but hopefully the
culture will change so that the ethic in America across the board is more family
friendly.
You know, I think a big part of allowing women (or men, hello...I'm the daughter of a stay at home Dad!) to be at home with their children is changing our perception of what we need in order to have a good life.
Do we need 4,000 square foot houses? Or brand new cars every few years? Or big screen televisions and other expenditures?
I believe it all comes back to money.
Out of the five women who were or are pregnant at my mother's office, only one of them will be able to quit her job after she has her baby. That woman has taken the steps to assure they will be fine financially after she quits, steps that included paying off their car, cutting out outrageous cell phone plans and cancelling cable tv. And yet she will still have enough money to send her oldest child to private school next year. (for reference her husband makes about 38,000 a year, so we aren't talking the wife of a doctor here)
Two of the women are cutting back to four day work weeks. Both have brand new homes and cars to pay for, but are hoping an extra day at home will alleviate a bit of the daycare bill, while still providing them with income to live off of (and an extra day to be with their child of course).
One of the women is coming back full force, with a mother-in-law to watch the baby and a Mercedes and BMW to pay for.
Choices we make.
Do we WANT to have it all? Or do the financial choices we make before children FORCE us to have it all?
It's a tough question and I don't really have the answer.
But it's definitely food for thought.
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