Thursday, June 24, 2010

Whispery Woe is Me Post

I started the job.

I really like my boss.

Like, in that he'll never give me a second look but I secretly plot what our babies would look like sort of way. (only less stalkerish than that sounds, I SWEAR)

This is the first time, for the most part, since I moved back home that I've allowed myself to feel like this. I've shut myself off for a long time to most aspects of living. Fearful of being out there. Fearful of rejection.

I'm not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, bubbly enough.

I hate feeling like that. I hate wondering these things. So normally I just don't do it. I don't meet people. Don't go out.

But that said, and most importantly, why in the world am I suddenly concerned about men and dating at the absolutely busiest part of my life (starting two jobs, full last semester load that's 3 days a week instead of 2 + a fall job and looking for full time employment after graduation)?

FEELINGS. I hate them.

1 comment:

katie said...

"I'm not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, bubbly enough."

i feel like i could have written that -- that's pretty much been my mantra for such a big part of my life. it's so frustrating, because i would NEVER stand by and let someone talk to one of my friends like that, but i'm totally fine with saying shit like that to myself? ugh.

also...can very much relate to the moving home and shutting myself off thing. it's been a weird time, for sure. and then once you decide you're over it and ready to get back over there, how the heck are you supposed to just go out and make friends?? i certainly don't know. bleh! i keep hoping i'll discover the secret method to making (worthwhile) friends (who don't live on the internet) -- if i figure it out, i'll report back!