Insert Clever Title Here

Jack just wants to be a lap dog like the other two. It's kind of adorable. It also hurts from time to time, but he doesn't understand that part.

*******
The run down

Classes: meh. I love, love, love, love, love my Modern American History class. Favorite professor, and the most kick ass subject ever: American history from 1974 through the election of Barack Obama. We watched Jon Stewart to open the class on Tuesday. That is awesome.

Haiti: is breaking my heart. I can't stop watching the coverage. As someone whose heart has been open to adoption for a long time now I just keep wishing I were at a stage of my life where adopting a couple of these orphans was an option. What a beautiful people, though. I hope they come back stronger than ever before after this.

Computer: I think mine is dying. It sucks. But what can you do? At least they aren't as expensive as they were when I bought the current one.

PS3: Jon used birthday money, christmas money and money my parents gave him to purchase one of these this past weekend. I'm completely smitten with it and the Netflix livestreaming feature.

Camera: I really want a new point and shoot. Something smaller than my fuji that I can carry around in my purse. I don't need it. But I'm pretty close to convincing myself I do. I'm beginning to smell a Birthday present.

Speaking of birthdays: I turn 24 this year. 24?! Where'd the time go?

In related news: I keep finding grey hairs in my head.

GREY HAIRS.

WHEN DID I GET OLD AND HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?

P.S. What do you think, would going back to blonde cover these goofy stray hairs better?

P.P.S. It's for real like one hair. I find it in the middle of the top of my head every few weeks.

P.P.P.S. I still want it gone. Or at least not noticable.

Christmas Island Dreaming

Why can't I live somewhere where these are not only acceptable but appropriate to wear in December?

Instead I'm working on a history paper this morning while covered in 2 blankets, an internet search for warm slippers is pulled up on my computer and snow is on the ground outside my window.

Not fair.

Bonus Wednesday: Facebook Edition

Is Chirstmas anything like Christmas?

You might make your point a little better if you respected said holiday enough to at least spell it correctly.

And a little hint: Holiday Tree Hooey - Factcheck.org

The White House is not going to have a Holiday Tree and religious ornaments have not been banned. No matter what that email from your grandma said.

But then I'm just one of those elitist liberals with my facts and reading and stuff...so whatever.

The Great Procrastinator

My major requires that I take a foreign language.

1. Because I was dumb and didn't think to choose a major that didn't require one.
2. Because I once was a major that didn't require one.
3. Because I thought I could put it off and put it off until it magically disappeared.

...is why I'm spending this last year of school slaving over Italian.

I really don't have an interest in learning Italian. But Spanish or any other language would cause me to have to drive to Lexington five days a week. And I don't have the money nor the stamina required to do such a thing.

So that's how my first day of classes went. Me in Italian learning how to say what my name is and what my hobbies are.

Ugh.

I also may or may not have put off my math requirement until this year.

What?!

I know! My procrastination skills are EPIC...let me just tell you.

But thankfully I'm in the dumb math that doesn't care if you are going on to take calculus. Which means I wasn't terribly bored by voting theory yesterday.

Other notes of interest: my history professor is a total NUT. I mean this lady is crazy. In a I'm kinda terrified yet also amused and it's weirding me out kind of way. However I love the heck out of my English professor, who I've now had for 3 semesters in a row, I hope she doesn't think I'm stalking her.

I'm also on the verge of being very broke and running the balance way up on my credit cards. But that's another story for another day.

Bright light at the end of the day? My car. My gloriously fun to drive car. I'm in love.

Why I Do All of the Grocery Shopping

I send him to Valumarket for a gallon of milk and a bag of Meow Mix (our picky indoor cat won't eat any other kind.)

He returns with 10 pounds of sugar that he paid $5.89 for, when I just bought 10 pounds for $3.97 at Sam's Club.

Two containers of Miracle Whip for $6 when my normal price point is $2.50 per container and below (ideally $2.00).

A bag of cat food that our cats won't even touch.

Three bags of pork rinds that I don't ever let him consume (heart attacks...hello).

Peanut butter that I normally get elsewhere for much cheaper than the $3 for a small container that he paid.

A gallon of vinegar when I'd just bought a gallon on Sunday -- $2.99

I know it's not technically my money, but it irks me so much. I've taken care of their finances for the most part since I was 15 or 16 years old. My mom works such long hours and Dad just can't handle that kind of stuff. So each month I make out the bills, do the grocery shopping, allocate the money.

And I don't let him grocery shop. I think we all see why.

Just throwing cash away. Sigh.

He's told me I can take it all back. Right, because that sounds like such a fun thing to do. "Hi, my Dad bought a bunch of stuff we don't need, can I return it...please?"

Instead, I'll put a smile on my face and practice forgiveness.

Anybody need any vinegar?

Potting Soil (A Calamity of Sorts)

The cat knocked over a huge potted plant this morning. It crashed to the living room floor spreading potting soil as far as the eye could see. On white carpet. Wet, black dirt all over the stark white carpet. And that's how I began my day.

My Dad knocked over a huge glass of coke just moments ago. The amber liquid spreading like a wildfire over the recently mopped kitchen floor. It managed to speckle a light colored jacket on its way to the floor. That is how I ended my day.

I have spent the middle of my day worried about a number of things. My mind racing, a million thoughts and scenarios screaming across my brain in bold neon strobes. At least that's how it feels like. The thoughts are wild and varied.

-the first day of the new semester. When I was a wild eyed and bushy tailed freshman without a care in the world I never stressed about the first day. Now that I'm a seasoned pro at this school thing, and geniunely worried about exams and grades (oh the thought!) I get myself into knots over it all.
-finding a new job. And subsequently running out of money until that is achieved. Affording books and the rest of my tuition bill. It's all a bit overwhelming.
-my car. My lovely little bumblebee that I can't even remember what it's like to drive. This credit market. This car market. The whole market. The recession. I am losing it. (not really, it just feels that way)
-the snow. The snow and my commute. And my mental health. Because really, snow and I do not mix. At all. We're mortal enemies. I get along with it just slightly better than ice.
-this blog. Which is actually giving me ZERO satisfaction anymore. Yet I'm too stubborn to stop updating it. (because then what happens to it? I stop updating and it dies somewhere in blogland, only to be found by me later and I'm left to wonder why I stopped blogging these minute details of my life?)
-a stupid post from this weekend. That I'm still convinced (despite evidence to the contrary) that everyone must hate me over.

It's just stupid. And silly. The whole lot of it. But sometimes I guess it just feels good to purge.

A last nugget of good news: I really feel like I'm beginning to make progress on some life goals. Namely career direction and ultimately a big out of state move. I think it's too early to commit to laying out details of it all (mostly not to jinx it or feel like a giant failure if it doesn't pan out). But my parents are being super supportive, to the point of being interested in the moving aspect themselves. I'm just feeling closer to being solid about my future. And despite all my worries, that is a piece of ground I'm happy to be standing on tonight.

postscript: some cooking/baking blog links I've recently come across, just because I'm in a generous and sharing mood. And these are fantastic:

Baking Bites
Erin Cooks
Bread & Honey

post-postscript: Hillary's confirmation hearing is tomorrow. You know, so we can make it official that I've hobnobbed with the Secretary of State.

post-post-postscript: the potting soil came out of the carpet. in case you are wondering. if it ever happens to you: sweep up as much as you can with a broom and dustpan, then vacuum. surprisingly easy to clean...believe it or not.

In which she ruins a cheesy movie ending...

So sometimes I spend my Saturday nights watching one of those cheesy movies on the Hallmark Channel with my Mom. Do. Not. Judge. It can be quite fun. (I fully admit to be obsessed with soap operas in my youth...this is not far removed from that.)

Anyways. Like I said, usually it's a lot of fun. And other times it's infuriating.

Like tonight.

This evening we watched this little gem:



Here's the premise:

• couple tries over and over again to have children, many failed fertility treatments later and they are advised to look into other options.
  
  
• couple gets all pissy with each other over this revelation. wife wants to consider adoption, husband says child won't be 'his own'.
  
  
• couple gets sent on a vacation together, to work things out...reconnect.
  
  
• couple spends first half of trip fighting.
  
  
• couple spends 2nd half learning they can love children other than their own, and that they love each other as well.
  
  
• couple decides to consider adoption.
  
  
• couple returns home, while filling out adoption papers on their couch wife comes down with sudden MIRACULOUS morning sickness.
  
  
• takes pregnancy test. OMG we're having our OWN baby.
  
  
• end of story, presumably...end of adoption idea.
  
  

I was happy with the movie until that very last, very stupid, scene. Because of many reasons:

• the implication that infertility is cured just by 'not worrying about it' anymore. you know...that whole 'stop trying so hard...it'll happen' thing.
  
  
• the myth of the 'as soon as we adopted, or considered adopting, we got pregnant!'
  
  
• the implication that this couple, just because they'd suddenly opened to adoption were 'blessed' with their very own baby. as though that is a greater gift than an adopted child. none is greater than the other.
  
  
• the idea that adopting is somehow settling. or 'not quite as good'. perhaps it was not the intention of the film, but when movies end like this that is the taste it leaves in my mouth. they always end with the biological child option. i know many couples who do not have bio. kids, you just TRY and tell them that the love is any different...i dare you.
  
  
• why did it have to end with the miraculous conception option? this is the same beef I had with 'Baby Mama'. and 'Sex and the City' for that matter. why did Charlotte have to suddenly get pregnant? as though life was good...but we've got to get that storybook hollywood ending by throwing in the bio baby!
  
  

I know that it's a messy topic, and a lot heavier than just a few bullet points in a stupid blog post. And not even worth it over a Hallmark Movie. But for once I'd just like to see a movie end without the miraculous conception. And maybe instead a happy miraculous adoption? Am I asking too much?

(I will now end this post and refrain from making any snide 'Virgin Mary' remarks. Just know I'm thinking them.)

Getting things off of my chest, the annual purging of emotion and thoughts

I had to register for next semester's classes this week. Something about doing that sent my mood this week into a downward spiral. I feel so close, yet so far away from graduating. A few years ago in my college career I let myself get into a bit of a pickle. I was living in Lexington, feeling very alone, hating my roommate, hating everything about the way college was turning out. I stopped going to class very often and barely squeaked by with the grades I got. It was never that I wasn't capable, it was that depression had overcome my life and I could no longer function.

I remember walking around like a zombie that semester. And then that semester turned into the entire school year. Finally I made the hard decision to move home and not return back to living in Lexington the next fall. Last year was a bit of an experiment in how that would all work. I didn't take a terribly full workload since I wasn't sure how the commuting thing would go.

My life now is completely different, a total turnaround from that dark year. I've never been the type to need to be around people, but I did need to be around family. I was tired of cooking microwave meals and eating them alone. I can honestly say I am now a much happier person.

But I'm still feeling the effects of that dark year, and the subsequent adjustment period.

It is going to take me a little longer than I'd ever thought to finish my degree. And this year has been a bit of a challenge, not because of classes, but in overcoming this looming idea of timeframes and how my life should be and at what age.

I'm sharing this because this is what I deal with. These are the things that run through my brain on a daily basis. And I don't think I'm always upfront with myself, much less everyone else. I suffered from depression. I don't let a day go by without realizing how thankful I am for that low point in life to be over. But I still struggle with the feelings. And it's okay.

Anyways, I wanted to get this out there for my own cartharsis. Maybe if I say what I'm feeling I can confront it, right?! haha

I also wanted to share a few things that are bringing me great joy right now, and counteracting those crummy feelings I sometimes let myself get ahold of.

So my mother started collecting those Christmas Village houses this year. I'm still not quite sure why. Except she always gets on a kick of some sort with a new hobby every few months, and this month it's Christmas Villages. Ehh, whatever.

I initially rolled my eyes. Thought it was stupid. I think I even laughed at her a few times.

And then I went to Michaels and Garden Ridge, found the Lemax Villages on clearance and 50% off and well...I have a hobby, it's calling finding good deals and not being able to resist them:



Umm yeah, I bought all of these in ONE trip. And my Mom is the one laughing at me now.

The problem remains though, apparently the purpose of a Christmas Village is to put it on display. And I've now bought so many that we're going to have to buy a table, or stop eating at the one in the kitchen.

I also wanted take the time to point out that while I have been baking many things lately, many fattening things, I am not eating all of them. I threw away more than half of that monkey bread last night. Not because it wasn't good, it was quite delish. But because I've been the same weight for the last several years, and while I'm not doing anything to lose any of that weight, I don't want to do anything to make me gain 50 pounds on top of it.

That said, has anyone ever eaten chicken noodle soup served over top of mashed potatoes. Like this recipe here?

We don't do a lot of chicken soup around here, but I'm very intrigued with the over mashed potatoes part. It sounds like a lethal combination. And by lethal I mean...insanely delicious.

And finally, does anyone else watch, or did watch, or enjoy, The West Wing? I didn't while it was actually running on television. I always thought I'd like it though. And now...I'm obsessed. Where was I 10 years ago? Why wasn't I watching this piece of brilliance?

Nothing Prolific

The internet is overwhelming me.

First you had to have a Myspace, then Facebook was the new thing. After which I began a Xanga, only to abandon that for Blogger.

Now there is Twitter and everyone is starting a Tumblr (which is cool and all, but comments...I'm confused by this looking and reading and then not being able to leave comment stuff).

Then of course we have to have a Flickr Account, a Livejournal account if you want to join communities there, Wordpress if you want to register for comments, YouTube wants you to sign up, Vimeo if you want something a little less searchable, CNN wants to you be an iReporter, The New York Times needs your info before you can read.

I'm tired.

Nevermind the 8 THOUSAND E-Mail accounts I can barely keep up with. 2 AOL identities, one for school, another with my ISP, GMail, Hotmail, Yahoo....

So then I'll record every book I've ever read with GoodReads, manage my iTunes account, sign up for an Imeem thing, I'll make a playlist with Project Playlist and if I wasn't done there I'll make a MuxTape.

I don't have anything prolific to say about all of this. I can't decide if it's all advancing us as a society, or rotting our brains out. I can't say I could actually go through with deleting my dozen accounts. I'm simply stating the facts.

The internet is a busy place.

Hell

The day we left for Florida my car began making this strange flapping noise. I made the decision to not ruin the trip and simply not mention the flapping until we returned. Shockingly enough, 7 days in paradise did not erase my car troubles and when I returned it wasn't magically NOT making the noise anymore.

No, it was just louder and more menacing than before.

Needless to say, reality came crashing back...quick.

So I took my car to a local mechanic on Saturday, a guy my Dad knows through someone else...you know that kind of thing. He ended up being not entirely sure what the problem was and uncomfortable with working on such an unfamiliar car (2004 Chevy Aveo, which people still shrug their eyebrows over).

I was a bit disappointed simply because I wanted my car troubles to be OVER.

Sunday the damn thing just stopped starting. Which somewhat confirmed our suspicion that the timing belt had broke.

This morning I had another shop pick up the car with their rollback (whatever the hell a "rollback" is). They might not get to it until Wednesday, tomorrow if I'm lucky. But the labor alone, IF I'm lucky and it is indeed the timing belt, is going to cost me $175. Tack on the part, the towing and whatever else they come up with and I'm half a d-SLR out the window.

So sad.

I'm reaching the point in my relationship with this car where things begin to go wrong. The timing belt, the this or that belt, the engine...before you know it the transmission will fail me. (Yes, I'm being apocolyptic...humor me.)

I'm afraid there isn't much left in this post. I just felt the need to vent.

I hate my car, I hate car repairs, I hate money.

End of story.

You Asked For It

This weekend at lunch with a few of my favorite ladies the subject of tubal ligation popped up. I know, tubal ligation just popping up into a conversation? Look, ask them...I still don't know.

At any rate, there we were discussing the ol' tubes. Various stories began to pop up, stories that I will admit...are still giving me nightmares. Things like how the legal consent for tubal ligation is TWENTY FIVE and even worse....that your HUSBAND has to give his consent.

Oh hell no.

You know me, always the women's libber, I've grown quite fond of the whole "my body, my rights" thing. I simply could not believe what I was hearing. How could it possibly be true? I knew for a fact that a woman didn't need consent from her HUSBAND to have an abortion, why the hell would she need consent to have her tubes tied??

I pride myself on my google abilities, I know I'm not the only one, but I have a knack for finding ANYTHING on the internet.

Let me just say, Tubal Ligation Laws? Not the easiest thing I've ever searched for.

But never fear.

To all who requested at lunch.

To all who are reading and are now curious.

In the Commonwealth of Kentucky there are NO laws requiring husband consent for tubal ligation. NOR are there any laws prohibiting the procedure for anyone over the age of TWENTY ONE.

You just sign a consent form at least 30 DAYS PRIOR to the procedure.

(Sidenote: I found out through my mother that I have an aunt who had her tubes tied years ago and to this day my uncle has NO CLUE. Haha, family secrets....)

Now, how exactly do we get confused on the where, whys and hows of tubal ligation?

Much like abortion, tubal ligation (and vascectomy) are up to the doctor. They have full rights to SAY NO, discourage you as much as possible, or SIMPLY REFUSE to perform the procedure.

Your insurance provider can also set specific guidelines for tubal ligation, refusing to pay for one until you've passed a certain age, or number of children...etc.

But by God, if you want one, are determined to have one, you can. Just find a doctor. (Which Planned Parenthood can help you with, I'm told.)

Me? I'm just thrilled to learn there is nothing stopping me from having my tubes tied in my great state. Yes, I might want children someday, but I was disturbed enough by all of this to want the procedure next week.

I feel a little more in control of my body now.

Going to the Chapel...

I've mentioned that I have an upcoming wedding to attend. The soiree is taking place the weekend before my vacation. So in the upcoming weeks I have all of the vacation last minutes to take care of, along with shopping for that perfect wedding attire.

Tonight I spent a little bit of time researching the proper June wedding apparel ettiquette.

This is an excerpt from my favorite article on the subject. It is my favorite because the bolded part is exactly how I fear I am going to experience this wedding.

Last summer, with two weddings rapidly approaching, I purchased a sexy yet
tasteful Nanette Lepore pale-pink sundress with a bird-and-butterfly pattern.
Since the guest lists promised to have little crossover, I planned to cheat and
wear it twice.

The dress never made it past the first wedding, which took place in
Vermont. Depressed that my personal life would never match the picture
of purity and simplicity at the quaint church where my friends exchanged vows, I drank too much at the reception and made an ass of myself on the dance floor. Sadly, the dress was not up to the task. Or, more precisely, I wasn’t up to the dress—I didn’t have the cleavage to hold up the scooped and gathered front. The ruffled straps kept falling off my shoulders, taking the
rest of the bodice with them. Several times, the entire dress nearly fell to my
waist. I have not asked to see the wedding photos.

Happy for them? Of course.

Mildly depressed for myself? Most likely.

Pinched at the Pump

I asked myself this question:

Question: Why are retail gasoline prices so high?

This website: http://tonto.eia.doe.gov/ask/gasoline_faqs.asp#gas_prices

Offered this answer:
EIA analysis of the petroleum market points to the cost of crude oil as the main contributor to the record high gasoline prices that we are now experiencing.
The cost of crude oil now accounts for almost 70% of the gasoline pump price. World crude oil prices are at record highs due mainly to high worldwide oil demand relative to supply. Other factors contributing to higher prices include political events and conflicts in some major oil producing regions, as well as other factors such as the declining value of the U.S. dollar (the currency at which crude oil is traded globally).
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You know what? I'm finally going to complain about gas prices.

For the past few years as gas prices have continued to soar I've taken a pretty nonsensical attitude about it. You have to have gas, as I pointed out in a recent blog. Whether it's $4 or $10 per gallon, somehow you have to work that math out.

And yet I've become increasingly frustrated.

You see, I drive what most would consider to be an economical car. My teeny tiny Chevy Aveo gets (on paper) 23 in the city and 31 on the highway. I'm not entirely sure I'm hitting those marks due to various factors (I speed and run the A/C constantly). However, when I bought the car (ha, read that I as my parents) it cost me on average $23-$25 to fill up.

Fast foward to today and if I were completely empty it would cost $39.49 to fill up.

In 2002 my father bought me my first car, a 1989 Toyota Corolla. It was a total clunker but I loved that damn car. It had a fuel tank size of 13 gallons.

In 2002 the average price for a gallon of gas was $1.30. Which means at empty I paid $16.90 for a tank of gas. I distinctly recall being able to take $4 to the gas station and actually leave with enough gas in my car to tinker around town with.

So solutions.

This is a bit of a tricky subject to research.

I can't, honestly, find any. There is the long term solution of forcing the automakers to improve gas mileage, find new technology, interpret technology that already exists.

And then there is biofuel.

If you don't already know the downfall of biofuel let me give you one hint: check your latest grocery store bill.

Getting higher and higher?

Sams Club limiting your rice buying? Is vegetable oil insane and does purchasing milk make you want to be lactose intolerant?

Yep. Biofuel.

Dumb idea if you ask my opinion.

Here are the Presidential Candidate's potential solutions:

DEMOCRATIC ILLINOIS SEN. BARACK OBAMA
- Double fuel economy standards to 50 miles per gallon by 2026.
- Devote $150 billion over 10 years to developing alternative energy.
- Does not support suspending the gas tax, saying oil companies would simply raise prices to make up the difference.
- Investigate market manipulation of oil prices.

REPUBLICAN ARIZONA SEN. JOHN MCCAIN
- Suspend the gas tax through the summer months.
- Suspend filling the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
- Has not proposed targets for increased automobile efficiency, and voted against a 2003 measure that would have boosted standards to 40 miles per gallon by 2015.

DEMOCRATIC NEW YORK SEN. HILLARY CLINTON
- Suspend the 18.4-cent federal gasoline tax through the peak summer driving months. A windfall tax on energy companies would cover the revenue shortfall.
- Suspend filling the Strategic Petroleum Reserve for one year, freeing up more oil for the open market.
- Devote $150 billion to developing alternative energy.
- Raise royalties for oil companies that drill on public land.
- Increase fuel economy standards to 55 miles per gallon by 2030.
- Investigate market manipulation of oil prices.

source: http://uk.reuters.com/article/oilRpt/idUKN2849693920080428?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0
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Make of it what you will. I don't care what your stance is politically, or who has the best solution. All I know is this: somebody is going to have to remedy this situation. Even a little bit. Or else I'm gonna need $20,000 for a Prius.