I'm impatient and rather than err on the side of cautious optimism and hope I'm more likely to panic and start yelling that the sky is falling.
I am Chicken Little.
At the beginning of this month I got an email detailing the payment plan for my first student loan. A loan I was expected to begin paying this month. I freaked out. Because this was unexpected, most loans give you 6 months to find a job. I had forgotten that a few years ago this was a loan I'd payed on for a year and that I'd lost my grace period. (A long story.) I broke down regretting my previous decision to enjoy Christmas after I'd graduated, and then the New Year, rather than immediately start applying for work.
But I trudged forward. On that day, the day I received the loan notice, I put in 6 applications. Four more the following day. Two on a Saturday. This has continued. I applied until my face turned blue and then I applied some more.
And I worried.
My parents covered for 2 of the bills I pay near the first of the month. I had money in my bank account along with some Christmas funds that I used to send in the first student loan payment.
That bought me a day of rest, maybe two.
But despair set in and I began to apply for jobs I didn't want in an industry I don't care to ever be employed in again: retail.
And as this things usually go I got a call for an interview for a cashier position. I went on Friday and gulped through my answer for what I really wanted to do with my life when the HR person asked. I stressed throughout the weekend while weighing the pros and cons of taking such a job.
By Sunday I'd decided not to. But I struggled with my decision. Who am I, with no money in the bank and multitude of bills due, to turn down money?
My mother assured me that god would provide. A concept I sometimes struggle with.
Monday morning the call came in to interview for a position in Shelbyville with a company you'd all be familiar with that helps needy families. And then this morning an email arrived for a interview for a position with the state in my home county that involves child support and public assistance.
Two positions in rural communities helping people.
Patience is a virtue I need to have more faith in.