Monday, January 12, 2009

Potting Soil (A Calamity of Sorts)

The cat knocked over a huge potted plant this morning. It crashed to the living room floor spreading potting soil as far as the eye could see. On white carpet. Wet, black dirt all over the stark white carpet. And that's how I began my day.

My Dad knocked over a huge glass of coke just moments ago. The amber liquid spreading like a wildfire over the recently mopped kitchen floor. It managed to speckle a light colored jacket on its way to the floor. That is how I ended my day.

I have spent the middle of my day worried about a number of things. My mind racing, a million thoughts and scenarios screaming across my brain in bold neon strobes. At least that's how it feels like. The thoughts are wild and varied.

-the first day of the new semester. When I was a wild eyed and bushy tailed freshman without a care in the world I never stressed about the first day. Now that I'm a seasoned pro at this school thing, and geniunely worried about exams and grades (oh the thought!) I get myself into knots over it all.
-finding a new job. And subsequently running out of money until that is achieved. Affording books and the rest of my tuition bill. It's all a bit overwhelming.
-my car. My lovely little bumblebee that I can't even remember what it's like to drive. This credit market. This car market. The whole market. The recession. I am losing it. (not really, it just feels that way)
-the snow. The snow and my commute. And my mental health. Because really, snow and I do not mix. At all. We're mortal enemies. I get along with it just slightly better than ice.
-this blog. Which is actually giving me ZERO satisfaction anymore. Yet I'm too stubborn to stop updating it. (because then what happens to it? I stop updating and it dies somewhere in blogland, only to be found by me later and I'm left to wonder why I stopped blogging these minute details of my life?)
-a stupid post from this weekend. That I'm still convinced (despite evidence to the contrary) that everyone must hate me over.

It's just stupid. And silly. The whole lot of it. But sometimes I guess it just feels good to purge.

A last nugget of good news: I really feel like I'm beginning to make progress on some life goals. Namely career direction and ultimately a big out of state move. I think it's too early to commit to laying out details of it all (mostly not to jinx it or feel like a giant failure if it doesn't pan out). But my parents are being super supportive, to the point of being interested in the moving aspect themselves. I'm just feeling closer to being solid about my future. And despite all my worries, that is a piece of ground I'm happy to be standing on tonight.

postscript: some cooking/baking blog links I've recently come across, just because I'm in a generous and sharing mood. And these are fantastic:

Baking Bites

Erin Cooks
Bread & Honey

post-postscript: Hillary's confirmation hearing is tomorrow. You know, so we can make it official that I've hobnobbed with the Secretary of State.

post-post-postscript: the potting soil came out of the carpet. in case you are wondering. if it ever happens to you: sweep up as much as you can with a broom and dustpan, then vacuum. surprisingly easy to clean...believe it or not.


SassyCassie said...

What is this post you speak of that made people so angry?

If you don't like updating this thing anymore... then don't. But if you keep updating, I'll keep reading. And I promise not to be such a lurker!

April said...

The one about the movie. I seem to have stepped on some toes over on myspace, where I cross post. It's been smoothed over, it was a discussion in the comments where wires and intentions got crossed...that kind of thing. But it was still bothering me that it happened when I wrote this. I suppose I'm over it now. haha...anyways...long story.

And thank you. I do like updating it for the most part. I'm sure I'll continue blogging.