Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Getting things off of my chest, the annual purging of emotion and thoughts

I had to register for next semester's classes this week. Something about doing that sent my mood this week into a downward spiral. I feel so close, yet so far away from graduating. A few years ago in my college career I let myself get into a bit of a pickle. I was living in Lexington, feeling very alone, hating my roommate, hating everything about the way college was turning out. I stopped going to class very often and barely squeaked by with the grades I got. It was never that I wasn't capable, it was that depression had overcome my life and I could no longer function.

I remember walking around like a zombie that semester. And then that semester turned into the entire school year. Finally I made the hard decision to move home and not return back to living in Lexington the next fall. Last year was a bit of an experiment in how that would all work. I didn't take a terribly full workload since I wasn't sure how the commuting thing would go.

My life now is completely different, a total turnaround from that dark year. I've never been the type to need to be around people, but I did need to be around family. I was tired of cooking microwave meals and eating them alone. I can honestly say I am now a much happier person.

But I'm still feeling the effects of that dark year, and the subsequent adjustment period.

It is going to take me a little longer than I'd ever thought to finish my degree. And this year has been a bit of a challenge, not because of classes, but in overcoming this looming idea of timeframes and how my life should be and at what age.

I'm sharing this because this is what I deal with. These are the things that run through my brain on a daily basis. And I don't think I'm always upfront with myself, much less everyone else. I suffered from depression. I don't let a day go by without realizing how thankful I am for that low point in life to be over. But I still struggle with the feelings. And it's okay.

Anyways, I wanted to get this out there for my own cartharsis. Maybe if I say what I'm feeling I can confront it, right?! haha

I also wanted to share a few things that are bringing me great joy right now, and counteracting those crummy feelings I sometimes let myself get ahold of.

So my mother started collecting those Christmas Village houses this year. I'm still not quite sure why. Except she always gets on a kick of some sort with a new hobby every few months, and this month it's Christmas Villages. Ehh, whatever.

I initially rolled my eyes. Thought it was stupid. I think I even laughed at her a few times.

And then I went to Michaels and Garden Ridge, found the Lemax Villages on clearance and 50% off and well...I have a hobby, it's calling finding good deals and not being able to resist them:

lemax 003

Umm yeah, I bought all of these in ONE trip. And my Mom is the one laughing at me now.

The problem remains though, apparently the purpose of a Christmas Village is to put it on display. And I've now bought so many that we're going to have to buy a table, or stop eating at the one in the kitchen.

I also wanted take the time to point out that while I have been baking many things lately, many fattening things, I am not eating all of them. I threw away more than half of that monkey bread last night. Not because it wasn't good, it was quite delish. But because I've been the same weight for the last several years, and while I'm not doing anything to lose any of that weight, I don't want to do anything to make me gain 50 pounds on top of it.

That said, has anyone ever eaten chicken noodle soup served over top of mashed potatoes. Like this recipe here?

We don't do a lot of chicken soup around here, but I'm very intrigued with the over mashed potatoes part. It sounds like a lethal combination. And by lethal I mean...insanely delicious.

And finally, does anyone else watch, or did watch, or enjoy, The West Wing? I didn't while it was actually running on television. I always thought I'd like it though. And now...I'm obsessed. Where was I 10 years ago? Why wasn't I watching this piece of brilliance?

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