Great Blog Block '08 (How I've Spent My Time)

• alphabetized my spices
• tried to cook a casserole
• burnt a pot holder
• watched "Beetlejuice" 8,495,838,783 times; and it just keeps getting funnier
• read 13 trashy romance novels
• watched the birds in the retreat
• cried
• bemoaned
• whimpered
• got the dog's leg unstuck when it came out of socket
• stopped couponing for the time being because I couldn't find the energy to clip them
• read a book about birds, front to back, can't remember any of it
• painted my toenails their signature pink
• organized my pictures
• attempted to learn aperture
• twittered
• twiddled my thumbs
• wrote 6,000 blog posts...deleted each one
• became dyslexic
• cured cancer
• wrote a love song, not cause you asked me to
• bought britney spears songs on itunes
• watched a lot of jimmy kimmel
• am now fucking matt damon
• read exactly one piece of actual literary work; hated it
• ate a lot of white cheddar popcorn
• didn't exercise
• bought squash and promptly killed all nutritional goodness by frying it
• come to think of it, fried lots of foods
• called my mom's dog, "the baby jesus"
• changed her name to "el diablo"
• then back to "the baby jesus"
• watched my father become a huge OBAMA supporter
• for the record: that's 2 against 2 in this house
• we hillary supporters are a slightly delusional bunch ;)
• sniffed permanent markers and gasoline
• suggested that someone should make a candle out of that shit
• avoided all family member phone calls
• lied to my dad about the cost of our condo for vacation
• took up shoplifting for sport
• watched a lot of "king of the hill"
• debated bobby hill's true parentage with my brother
• pan broiled ribeyes, causing every smoke alarm in the house to go off
• annoyed by father by:
• calling him by his first name
• refusing to twist tie the bread or potato chips
• not double bagging the garbage cans
• and breathing
• contemplated the merits of ramel bradley's rap career
• admired robert downey jr.'s ability to wear the color purple and still seem manly
• took entirely too much of my time writing this

(Disclaimer: some of these may or may not be embellished. You decide which you would like to be true. Too many are for me to admit.)